Why do we hate Hippies so much?

I've decided this year is the year of budgeting, saving cash, eating healthy, exercising and enjoying it, and minimalism - well, as much as my clutterbug dvd/cd/book hoarder husband I live with will allow. Along with that goes more exploratory cooking, and with a gift card I received for Christmas I purchased two vegan cookbooks.



And a kit for learning knitting. I really like yarn, it would be great to learn how to use it.

Anyway, I've used the cookbooks and recipes online to dip into the world of lentils, quinoa, tofu (which I have a bit of a history with) and coconut oil. I've been cooking with coconut oil for some time now, and prefer it to butter for scrambling eggs and browning meat. Lentils are the cheapest things around and make lovely soups, and now that I have a realistic expectation of tofu I am beginning to come to an understanding with it. Tofu will not taste great, no matter what you do to/with it. No one has ever said, "Hey, I'm really craving some tofu. Honey, can we get tofu tonight?" All you can do with tofu is make it taste less like tofu and more like the rest of the food or sauce you're cooking it in, and swallow it down with smugness and the satisfaction that you just ate tofu and are probably better than 80% of people you'll meet that day.



But, why does eating tofu create that social elitism?  Where does it come from? Is this why we hate Hippies so much?



We all have an inner line in the sand, the one we won't cross because we'll become 'those people.' For some it's the family cloth (an alternative to toilet paper, some families opt for keeping a pail for dirty, reuseable cloths in the bathroom - I do not know how this works for houseguests) and for others it is elimination communication (the concept that babies don't need diapers, and if you stare at your newborn's face long enough you'll be able to read his/her toilet cues and simply be able to run them to a toilet and dangle them over, surely making you the most amazing parent on the face of the planet.) I had a homebirth, which was too much for some people to wrap their heads around, but unlike others I didn't eat the placenta or wait for it to drop off (tote it around while it rot off) my newborn naturally several days after the birth.



And thus comes the persistent one-upmanship that we are constantly faced with on a daily basis. Your kid eats organic raisins? Well, mine eats organic raisins that as grapes just fell off the vine and were picked up by workers paid as well as doctors, dusted off with free-range kittens, kissed by Mother Sunshine herself, and packaged in recycled fabric with a sewing pattern on the inside that you can then use the fabric to make a shirt to send to a starving child in Africa to wear while they are starving. Don't you feel like a giant piece of uninformed shit now, you planet sodomiser? Did you just blow your nose in a Kleenex? Why aren't you using a cloth made from hemp fibers and saving the trees, and saving all of the cold and flu germs while you're at it? Wait, your bed isn't made out of upcycled fence posting you bought in an auction to benefit a local no-kill shelter? HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT IN A BED ONLY YOU HAVE USED, YOU CONSUMERIST BASTARD WITH NO CONSCIENCE!

I'm finding it difficult to navigate through the changes I'm making and incorporating them in every day life without stepping on toes and without living completely in the closet. I'm not ready to wear head-to-toe hemp, and I realised in a store yesterday that I wasn't even ready to announce my new way of eating to a checkout line of strangers when I was purchasing a strainer. Graham asked me what it was for, and suddenly aware of how bloody close a woman was behind me (why were you so up my ass, Lady?) I said in a low voice, "I need it to rinse my lentils. Our sieve is too big." Graham snickered and said, "What?" "We need it to rinse our lentils. Lentils have small stones sometimes and dirt and dust, and they need to be rinsed." All of this was true, but I felt like such a wang saying it aloud for others to hear. I felt like a target - both a hated hippie, and worried that a true hippie would notice I forgot my re-useable bags and had to use a plastic store one.

Maybe someday I will take the true plunge and go full Hippie. Maybe, when I can give up my face creams and my car and my steaks. For now I have to be happy with pissing off both groups, eating my non-locally sourced lentils (sorry.)