Can I swear on this thing?

Me: Hey, buses is spelled B-U-S-E-S, right?

Husband: Yes, why?

Me: Good. I didn't just fuck the whole thing up, then.


So. Blogging. I wasn't going to be a blogperson, but something about the interwebs has convinced me that a blog is necessary - no, a blog is healthy! Yes, that's it! It would be unhealthy for me to keep my random and completely inane thoughts to myself. That's the rumour on the streets now, isn't it? Get that opinion right out of you. Opinions, if kept to yourself, can cause cancer.

That last part isn't actually true. Where are the disclaimers on these things? Do I have to make my own?

I'm starting a blog for several reasons, none of which are particularly great. Mostly I have to justify my new laptop purchase to myself. What better way to celebrate and defend blatant and unnecessary consumerism than starting a blog and looking busy and important for a good few minutes an evening? Yeah, I got the pretty new covering on it and everything but that's ok - I'm a blogger now. Totally worth the extra $80, even if everyone who sees it calls me a hippie. They'll all feel stupid when I'm famous.

That last part isn't actually true, either.

No, being famous isn't a reason for starting this either. Blogging for fame takes work, serious work. There's research, planning topics, looking about for ideas, and you have to be worried enough to use spellcheck...none of that is for this lady. In fact, I've given myself 5 Blogger Commandments I intend to stick to:

1) I shall not blog to save kittens, puppies, or emo kids in suburbia.

2) I shall not be an angry blogger, or a righteous blogger, or a blogger that fights with another blogger, or a blogger that gets enraged on an Internet forum and blogs about it, taking my enemies chat names and bastardizing them in humorous ways like changing Ardra to T'Ardra, or Sophie to Slowfie.

3) I shall not write a post about an article I read in a newspaper about another article that journalist read.

4) I shall not subject readers to my over-powering bad taste in music, choosing to admit it is over-powering bad rather than type out my iPod play list in an effort to seem edgy and cool (Meatloaf forever).

5) I shall never start a blog post by saying my cup of coffee has gone cold, and I'm almost out of cigarettes, and the sun is starting to come up in a bad and unoriginal attempt at imagery.




Word of the day: Lucre
Used in everyday sentence: Lured in by glamorous blogging lucre, she quickly realized she had no way of ending her posts and hoped no one would notice.