Best defriends forever!

I like Facebook, for the most part. You can look into the lives of people you know without having to actually pick up a phone and ask them. A quick glance through photo albums can catch you up on the years you've missed - weddings, babies, trips, pretty much everything they bothered bringing a camera to. This has lead to the break-down of communication in society, sure. But it's still early enough in the game to blame that on texting and the various forms of cringe-worthy textspeak.


There are many, many downsides. Obligatory work friends, for example. People you work with during the week that you are obligated to accept Friend's Requests from for fear of awkwardness in the workplace and the dividing of coworker alliances. If you don't accept a request from Judy, she'll tell Steve (who you did accept) and it'll be blatantly apparent that you don't like Judy, a fact that you've managed to keep hidden in the professional-behaviour shed out back until now. Marnie seems cool towards you for no apparent reason, but it's really because you didn't accept Judy's request. You won't have the slightest clue about this, of course, because Judy's decided to block you from seeing her profile completely and has been writing passive-aggressive comments on Steve's wall directed at you that you can't see. All you know is that Marnie has been agreeing to a lot of things on Steve's wall for no apparent reason.

Steve has decided to stay out of it and has begun to eat lunch at his desk claiming he's snowed under with work.


Another downside is friending people through other friends. This can lead to a whole whack of problems, particularly if you don't like the acquaintance for fundamental reasons. I've learned this past weekend that it's better to not accept that request and let the dislike be known from the start, rather than letting it fester under the surface leading to an inevitable blowout of epic proportions that not only goes extremely poorly, but crucifies your mutual friend in the process in a way that would make even Jesus wince a bit. (Sorry, Jen).

Ex-boyfriends float by with the odd request here and there which are easily ignored - but beware because even a sensible move like that can lead to the loss of a few on-the-fence friends on your list that kind of took his side during the messy break-up but never mentioned it.

I'm a fan of the party-person friend request. You know the one, the messy-drunk that latched onto you and your friends one night at a club that you took pity on and let tag along for the rest of the evening. His/her friends mysteriously ditched them, and instead of taking that as the big yellow flag it is, you decide that the offending friends are douchebags and you take them under your wing and make pledges to never ditch them. That person immediately adds you the second they get in that evening and clutters your wall with "Best nite EVA!" and asks you every week on Tuesday what your plans are for the weekend. You can never, ever write plans on your wall again and from now on have to resort to personal messages. You'd like a side of lies with your profile, please.

I'm still flattered by some Friend's Requests, but only if they have under 200 friends. Anything over that and they are just being greedy or entering a popularity contest in which they are the sole contestant, and there are no prizes.

I think Facebook has become the new high school, really. Except this time we all have our own lunch tables.

Word of the day: Sanctimonious
Used in a sentence: He said I was a sanctimonious cunt, but that's really a phrase used by people with inferiority issues.